love, and love, and love....

it has been my guide and my grace, my guru and my god for more of my life than i can even recollect in rational terms. peppered inside of all the damaged behaviors of my past, serving the life around me in the healthier years of stability.... there has always been this current of love. love as big as the milky way. love the likes of which there aren't enough poems to express. love without reason.

and i find myself here, in the nearly 3 1/2 weeks since christmas, since the grace of god showed me that the contracted space i thought of as a self is just a playground, and it is not to be my prison. i find myself here at the edges of a love that is so unfathomably enormous that i think it may whip me off the very face of the earth and steal me away into the depths of space with it's power. i may be drilled down to the molten core of the earth to find a heat that can even whisper a rivalry to the intensity of this love. i may have to be flayed, skin, muscle, nerves and bone, absolutely shredded in some sacrificial gesture to indicate how perfectly desperate the comprehension of this love is to the mind.

i am ruined as a separate being. i am decimated as a singularity.

i have died for this love, lain down before god and prayed again and again to be a vessel and an instrument and the great wonder of it all is that You heard my call and gave me the greatest gift imaginable. you took away my choice, you took away my logic, you took away my life and left me hollow enough to begin to hold You.

good god if only words could suffice to explain the marvel and mystery of this Love, pouring forth and forth and forth from the depths of forever. i am not poet enough to speak it. but by the grace of Your touch, that i may be servant enough to share it....