just a little thing....

there is nothing left in me that can take seriously the antics of mind for very long. the mind will try to rile up some forces, to create some identity, but it literally collapses within an hour or so of any attempt. it can't get a seeker going, it can't tell the sob story of it's demise.... not much, really. there are lots of little wall-building thoughts that arise such as "i like chocolate more than vanilla" - simple, mundane things, but tactics to create a person here, a being that has separations. i am investigating these in the grace of awareness and have found some funny stuff.

over the history of my life i always knew my body was actually a good guide for me. it's not real, and exists as an object like everything else, but it's also the way that the awareness dances in the world of form, so i think writing it off as a dream is sort of advita double-speak.

i have been surprised to find in the last two months that i am meditating a whole lot, twice a day for about 45 minutes each. not because i have to, but because i long to. it is very nourishing, that silence, that stillness. so sitting there, i don't find a whole slew of angela crap to sort through, the way i used to. just these simple thoughts, these little illusions of separation, a story of "i am this, and not that". and what i find also, right alongside of each one, is a movement of the face muscles that coincide. as a thought catches hold, the forehead, temples, jaw and throat seem to tighten around the thought, as if to create a person here, to follow the thought out into the world. each time grace arises, as the awareness i know myself to be presents itself in obviousness, the thought collapses at the same moment as the muscles release themselves.

i noticed something along these lines a few weeks ago, before christmas, but i wasn't ready to see it fully, just yet. apparently today, i am. it's just another one of those little things, those little teachers, that i am so grateful for in the living world around me.

it's everywhere, or it's nowhere at all.