enjoying the view

i just haven't had much to say lately. it's hard to explain why except to say that i just don't have any frictions here that guide my inquiries. in fact, for the most part, inquiries have ceased. i'm sort of over the whole spiritual thing, going along in a world where the boundaries seem more and more invisible, and where the edges of things are blurred into a beautiful rainbow of vibrant life.

i'm sort of, well, done with wanting anything else. it seems like there is just no energy left, and hasn't been for some time now, for argument in any way, with anything. there isn't a plan, any decisions, any belief left in control or a person here to take such an action.

everything seems just right, just like this, and i can't find myself wanting anything other than just this, just right now, exactly as it is.

admittedly, any sort of ongoing living like this is new to me, so probably the talking will right itself again at some point when there is compulsion in that area. for now, i'm just living life, smiling a lot, playing, enjoying the angela thing a great deal. without drama, without conflict, this whole human thing is such an immense joy to experience, it's hard to describe in words.

my curiosity about the whole borderline thing, and my personal experience with growing up with such a fractured and mainly non-linear fragmented 'self' remains strong. i just feel drawn in that area, to tend to something that caused such a great deal of suffering here early in life. but beyond that, i guess, for now at least.... i'm just sort of enjoying the view.

for those who take the time to read here, thank you so much. i just know there will be more words later. for now, this silly smile on my face is enough.