a taste of absolute unity

on christmas, i was emptied out, backed up beyond the image of the separate self, and hit a point of the seeker being just totally done. the bloody sword that had been fused to my fist for the last two years dropped, much to my surprise, and i was just left blinking at the vast, unending space i found in all directions. the mind wasn't sure what to do with such emptiness, and there remained these strange questions about the things i'd heard from teachers over the years of this process..... the seeker was gone, but the answers to certain questions alluded me.

i was still wondering:
"how exactly is emptiness is dancing?"
"what does it mean that there is no death?"
"how can everyone be awake and not know it?"
"what about this unity thing? what does it mean to see something as yourself?" 
"what does it mean that nothing has ever happened or will ever happen?"
"what does it mean that form is emptiness? emptiness is form?"
"what is it that there is no inside and no outside / that there is only Just This?"
"what on god's green earth does I Am That mean???????!?!?!?!?"

all these questions were based on various teachings that i'd heard over the two years of my demolition process. they were the kinds of things that the mind races and races to answer, and finding no answer, gets really even more bummed out than ever, and goes even more mad and crazy and spiraling out into the furthest reaches of elasticity.

so, after being removed from myself into emptiness on christmas, i kind of sensed that something was just around the corner to take up the slack here, and this afternoon it did. the truth moved up and revealed itself, the most sublime and perfect sanity, beyond imagination....

reality revealed itself in this ripe, luscious, luminosity the likes of which i could not summon enough poetry to explain. all the clarity in the world was offered because i finally saw this for what it really is - what is actually going on here - and the simplicity and obviousness of the truth, the inescapable reality of the truth.

simple:

1) she hears the phrase 'be what this is' come up from the depths
2) she dances, stretches, moves and prays
3) she lies down, watches for a moment the inner chaos of the mind
4) she sighs. she knows then it is time to die.
5) she is surrendered.
6) she stands back up, looks around.
7) the world has become her.

"well of course!! everything is all one thing, hanging together like fruit, dangling on the breath of You!!"

and i have spent the afternoon and evening checking in with a few audio tapes from my teacher Adyashanti, because i want to be sure that, yes, this is obviously it.... because it holds up with what he is saying.... and i have sent some notes of gratitude to the beloved pointers along the way. and i took a walk. and i hugged my dog. and it goes as it goes, dancing on, as it ever has, without a point or a meaning, but with absolute freedom as the very nature of its dance.

even if this is just a taste, to have a glimpse of absolute reality totally devoid of any self whatsoever, is the most amazing vision of what is possible....